Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
