cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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