i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Life is so much better after having sex.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
