He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Let's paint friendship bongs
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
