In the future we'll all be gay
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
