i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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