@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
