you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
