wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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