I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
