Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
