Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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