I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
