Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
