She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
