No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
