I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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