Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
