i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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