I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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