Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
