Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i drank out of a bidet.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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