could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
