Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's just like the Real World with babies
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
