matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
