A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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