omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
