Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
