So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
