i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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