??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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