He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
