She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
