I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
