I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
