And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
