spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we made out on top of his cat.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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