i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
