Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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