I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
