dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
