im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
