And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
