creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
