idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
