just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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