All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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