My brain says no but my pants say off.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
