smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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