My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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