Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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