You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
