If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
