I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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