i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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