They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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