I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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