i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's shark week go big or go home
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
