she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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