So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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