I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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