Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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