Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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