I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
