worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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