2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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