you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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