trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize