i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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