party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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