i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
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She's just so happy...and so naked.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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