I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
