I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The uberlube is also flammable
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My ass is underappreciated
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
