With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
