of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
