She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
